En ny feature på UnitedNorge blir fredagshumor. I jomfruinnlegget lar vi det selvsagt gå utover Scouserne… God helg!
Scousers og elskov
An Italian, a Frenchman and a Scouser are discussing their relative performance in bed.
The Italian: «When I’ve a finshed a makin da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy»
The Frenchman: «Zat is nossing, when Ah ‘ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy»
The Scouser: «Dat’s nothin, when I’ve finished shaggin me bird, I get out of bed, walk over to da winda and wipe my knob clean on da curtains. She hits the fuckin’ roof !!!»
Scousere og øl
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke – 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He’s having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian.
Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: «Do you want a blow job?» he whispers.
At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.
Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer.
«I’ve never seen you react like that» he says. «Just what did he say to you?»
«I’m not sure» the big scouser replies. «Something about a job.»
Scousere og IQ
Benitez wanted to know why Ferguson was getting such great performances from his players and came up to Old Trafford for a visit.
He asked Ferguson, who replied «I ask them tricky questions to keep them on their toes». «Like what?» asked Benitez.
Ferguson called Gary Neville over and asked him, «Gaz, he is not your brother but still he is your father’s son. Who is he?» Neville replies immediately, «That’s easy boss, it’s ME!».
Benitez looks enlightened and returns to small time land. The next day at training he decides to try some of Ferguson’s complex methods for himself. He calls Steven Gerrard over and asks him, «Steven, think carefully about dis: He is not your brother, but he is still your father’s son. Who is he?».
Gerrard replies «That’s a difficult one boss, can I think about it overnight?» «Yes, of course» says Benitez and lets him go.
Next morning at training Gerrard looks worried after a sleepless and stressful night. He asks that great continental mind Dirk Kuyt what he thinks the answer might be. «This is simple Steven, the answer is ME».
Mightily relieved, Gerrard strides confidently to the gaffers office. «Goode morning, Steven», says Benitez, «So.. the question.. are you confident about the answer or not?» «Yes» replies Gerrard, «the answer is Dirk Kuyt». «Oh, don’t be so fucking mindless!» retorts Benitez, «It’s Gary Neville, you stupid bastard!»